Friday, 20 March 2009

Saturday Morning Watchmen

Further to my review of Watchmen (below), I have found this awesome youtube parody. Imagine Watchmen as an 1980s Saturday morning TV show. This is what you would get...

Absolute genius.


Thursday, 19 March 2009

REVIEW: Watchmen

Watchmen has now stolen the crown from Slumdog… I officially have a new favourite film of 2009!

In short, Watchmen was three hours of pure popcorn-crunching, ass-kicking, thought-provoking, gross-out, gravely-voiceover, slickly-directed, iconic viewing.

You must have heard the stories by now. This is a film that spent two decades in development hell and was declared unfilmable by Paul Greengrass, Terry Gilliam, Darren Aronofsky and – genius creator of the graphic novel itself – Alan Moore. And they had a point. How exactly do you condense the most celebrated graphic novel of all time into a mainstream Hollywood movie?

After all, this is a masterpiece that has multiple story-lines, a huge mythology to establish (one where Nixon is still President), it addresses both rape and erectile dysfunction, whilst the hero is a psychotic masked avenger. Emphasis on psychotic. Forget The Dark Knight and Wolverine. Rorshach is the most anti of anti-heroes committed to the screen since Taxi Driver's Travis Bickle.

But Zack Snyder manages it. In fact, against all odds, the director of the stylish but juvenile Dawn of the Dead and 300, has done more than just manage it. He has produced an absolute cinematic masterpiece. Without losing the gore, effects, thrills and iconic lens of his previous films, he adeptly balances the vast ensemble (back stories included) with the huge themes on offer: War, psychosis, moral ambiguity, the perception of time. But then again, I don’t know why I am surprised. If you re-watch Dawn of the Dead and 300, Snyder seems an obvious candidate for this project. His potential was vast and he just needed to be given an epic to tackle. In short, he was waiting for his Watchmen.

But to quote the film: who watches the Watchmen?

Anyone who has read it know how incredible it is and will certainly flock to the cinema. And they will love it. It is an accurate adaptation, faithful without forsaking bursts of mainstream action, and the very few cuts are logical. The intermingled escapades of the Tales of the Black Freighter comic are thankfully removed (but coming to a DVD extra near you) and that bizarre business of the telepathic monster being transported into New York was replaced with a simpler Dr Manhattan-style explosion. Better.

Snyder has even managed to tell the story of the original Minutemen from the 1940s, the first generation of masked avengers and something I was convinced would be cut. But not only does he tell it through an ingenious opening-credits montage, but it might just be my favourite bit of the film. Told in a beautiful series of slow-motion camera pans, spanning the characters and the history, we see the alternative universe of Watchmen unfurl. We see the triumphs and downfall of the original Minutemen members, in addition to altered versions of world history: Nixon being re-elected, Dr Manhattan beating Neil Armstrong to the moon, soldiers gunning down hippies. And there are some great cameos of Andy Warhol, David Bowie and Fidel Castro. And all of this is to the tune of Bob Dylan singing 'Times Are A-Changing'. The tone is set for the film and it is magnificent.

But what about people who have never even heard of Watchmen? Well, this is where this will be a divide.

Some people will love it. Movie snobbery alert: these will be the people who appreciate good cinema, whether the films be arty or action-packed. A few of my friends have seen it despite never having heard of the Watchmen a month ago and they thought it was quality. Reassuring.

Then again, some people will hate it. These will be the people who expect a short, simple superhero movie like X-Men or Spiderman. Boy, are they in for a shock. This is a heavy movie, in terms of politics, structure and hyper-violence. These are the people who will not ‘get’ Watchmen and will complain that they cannot see what all the fuss is about. Incidentally, these are also the people who would never even consider reading the novel because they would rather watch Big Brother.

Admittedly, some people might just be confused. There is a lot of back story to Watchmen and there are a lot of characters, like all the great novels. To help newbies digest the film a bit easier, I have therefore been pitching the film’s plot like this:


Watchmen is set in an alternate 1985, where the Cold War still rages and Nixon has been re-elected for a third term. The world is dark and corrupt. In the 1940s, a bunch of people decided they would put on masks and fight crime to make the world a better place. This first generation of crime-fighters were called The Minutemen.

Over time, The Minutemen fell apart: some were murdered, some went mad, some went missing. A second generation of crime-fighters was therefore born: known in the film (but not the novel) as The Watchmen. The second generation are the main characters of the story.

A couple of years later, Nixon passes a law to make all masked crime-fighters illegal. Some retire and some go rogue & continue as vigilantes. There are only two exceptions. The first is Dr Manhattan: blue, God-like and the only one with actual superhero powers. He is American and therefore giving America the upper-hand in the Cold War. The second exception is The Comedian: he is a psychopath who works for the government, fighting guerrilla wars in smaller countries.

The film starts with the death of The Comedian, murdered by a mystery assailant. The rest of the crime-fighters try to work out who is behind the attack.


I think that pitch should be enough to get newcomers through the opening fifteen minutes. And by then, they should be hooked.

So regardless of whether you have or haven’t read the graphic novel, just go watch the Watchmen. You will not be disappointed.

Elmo vs. De Niro

This might just be the ultimate Sesame Street cameo.

Monday, 9 March 2009


I have succumbed to the joys of Twitter.

I don't know quite why I like it. Because you can follow celebrities? Maybe. Because it's another beautiful way to waste time? Probably. Because I love the cute little bird? Almost definately.

But mostly it's because you get to see strange sights like Jimmy Carr's new hat. Nice one, Jonathan Ross.
So get involved and get tweeting!

Tuesday, 3 March 2009

Tokyo 2009

As you can see from my ‘25 Things’ blog, I have recently visited Tokyo. I have wanted to go there ever since I saw Lost in Translation for the first time in 2004 and I have always been excited by the eclectic fusion of neon streets, ancient temples and cutting-edge technology. It was well worth the wait.

Tokyo is everything you expect it to be.

The parodies you have seen in popular culture - whether it be the hyper-animated otaku (geek) culture or the armies of businessmen sleeping on the train after working 16 hours shifts – are all true and then some. You have also probably seen beautiful views of Mount Fuji and the shrines of Kamakura on Japan tourist websites. Again, these are just as beautiful as they are depicted and are even more breath-taking in real time.

Tokyo – and Japan – is the sort of place where you return after just one week with hundreds of stories to tell. Even the billboards and rail system make for interesting stories because everything is just that little bit different. And for me, who has never ventured outside of Europe until now, it was a huge culture shock. I now have some serious newfound sympathy for tourists in this country because I was completely lost. Had I not been so skilled in the art of charades, I would never have found my way around.

There is too much to write about – enough content for a book, let alone a blog – and so here is a quick breakdown of my week:

Monday – flight out. I watched a glorious six films and ate ice cream.

Tuesday – Imperial Palace and the East gardens, followed by my first taste of Japanese eating. I also met a Japanese dentistry student named Yassu.

Wednesday – Kamakura, (shrines and temples as far as the eye can see, and then we watched the football in the evening: Japan vs. Australia. It was 0 – 0.

Thursday – Akihabara, the geek town of Tokyo: cutting-edge technology, toys, arcades and comic books. I have found my new spiritual home.

Friday – Tsujiki Fish Market, the largest fish market in the world and the most dangerous place I have ever been. This was followed by Asakusa and the Museum for Studio Ghibli, the Japanese equivalent to Pixar/Disney. Their films are wonderful. The evening was brilliant, as we watched Alex’s friend’s Japanese Metal Band. I then spent the night in a Capsule Hotel.

Saturday – Hakone, outside of the city and home to several hot springs and epic views of Mount Fuji.

Sunday – Ginza, the posh shopping region of Tokyo, and then Harajuku, where Japanese people dress in their finest or most bizarre clothes and strut. We then watched Quantum of Solace.

Monday – Odaiba, the man-made island which acts as a port to Tokyo, which boasts the Fujitsu HQ, the Toyota showroom and its own Statue of Liberty.

Tuesday – souvenir shopping splurge and then the long flight home.

Wednesday – jet-lagged in France and then home.

It was a surreal and eye-opening week. Plus, I have never used my camera and camcorder so much in all my life. And that’s saying something. Special domo arigato to Alex, who let me kip on his floor all week. Legend.

So, Japan: done.


Monday, 2 March 2009

25 Things

Okay, I've been tagged in so many of these now that it's about time I wrote one. It was actually really addictive and I had trouble narrowing it down to just 25.

Here are 'The Rules'... if you get tagged then you have to write your own. Be honest. Write 25 Things: not a Thing more, not a Thing less. Have fun with it.

So here goes...

1. I think about Lost every six seconds.

2. I was allergic to peanuts in Year 6 and assume that I still am.

3. Jurassic Park is the reason I became a film fanatic. I saw it when I was seven and it remains my favourite film to this day.

4. I think the epilogue at the end of Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows is an abomination.

5. I would like the following names for my children: Freddie, Charlotte, Harry, Eleanor and Flashdance.

6. I think the only thing funnier than a fart is a loud fart. The sooner society accepts that, the better.

7. I used to love the word ‘banter’ but now it makes me cringe. I guess that is what they call growing-up. Nevertheless, I still love my first, last and only nickname: Fairbanter.

8. I wish I was more like Sean.

9. I almost didn’t go to the house party where I met my girlfriend. I flipped a coin and let fate/chance decide.

10. When I was a young, I had sixteen short stories published in a local newspaper. Nowadays, I can only read one of them without shuddering.

11. I go to the gym for one reason only: to look good naked.

12. My name is engraved in the Council Chambers at the University of Birmingham Guild of Students. I feel this means I have made my mark, so I will be less bothered if I get hit by a bus.

13. I think His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman is the greatest thing ever written.

14. I recently visited Tokyo (see right), one of two places I have always wanted to see. The other is Reykjavik.

15. I know blogging is pointless but I love it all the same.

16. I am a highly-strung person who tries desperately hard to be easy-going (see No.8).

17. Despite playing basketball between the ages of 8 to 16 and qualifying as a referee, I don’t miss it one bit. However, I tell people I do because I think it makes me sound sporty.

18. I think people who quote Little Britain are the scum of the Earth.

19. When no-one is around I pretend that I am in a film. Usually fighting baddies.

20. Less isn’t more. More is more.

21. The only thing I have ever wanted to do is write stories. However, I have not written one since I was fifteen (see No.10) because I am scared of discovering that I am rubbish.

22. I need things to be tidy.

23. My hangover cure is a glass of ice cold milk and a bacon sandwich with brown sauce.

24. On average, Laura Clark makes me laugh eight times a day. Not once has this ever been intentional.

25. And finally: I love making those little triangles out of used crisp packets.

Lovely stuff.